what better way to start off the new year 6 weeks late than to post some random quotes i’ve saved over the years? these all come from my friend faye, who is utterly fabtabulous.

1. i am a busty sack of fury.
2. i enjoy being smeared in excrement.
3. i have no vagina.
4. hooray for bellies.
5. i taste vomit.
6. i just taped a picture of a fetus on my tummy.
7. i just came a little.
8. i eat semen.
9. i’ve got a slip ‘n’ slide happening in my naughty place.
10. well i’ll keep my labia crossed for you.
11. you disgust me. yay!
12. i know how you are a mild ninja.
13. i’m so witty - i’ll be high-fiving my mom’s naughty place later.

YOU’RE only as cool as YOUR grammatical skills.

listen up, heathens. adobe is a company, not a product. much like ford produces various models such as the mustang, the focus, and the f150, adobe is the umbrella company under which its various programs fall.

do yourself a favor and don’t EVER address any program as “adobe” when talking to pretty much anyone who would have it. this information is especially useful for those looking for others to fill positions in which they may have to use an adobe product.

to recap: there is no such program as “adobe”. if you ask a graphic designer if he/she designed something in “adobe”, they’re probably going to laugh on the inside and then say, “adobe what?” if you post a job looking for a graphic designer, save yourself being skipped over immediately and without hesitation by omitting phrases like, “must be skilled in adobe” and “knowledge of adobe a must”. if you simply must go this route, at least use the handy phrase “adobe products” or “the adobe suite”.

all i can do is educate. it’s up to you to initiate.

i saw an ad online today for a site that was selling tickets to see the police.

if Privacy is your middle name, and your last name is Control…then why is it Miss Jackson if you’re nasty? would it not be Miss Control?

that’s fucked up, man. seriously.

i wanna invent 2000 Flushes Yellow. in essence, every time you flushed your toilet, it would fill with urine-colored water. i have no idea why. it just sounds ludicrous enough to work. in a nation fascinated by spray-on hair, the pet rock, and american idol, anything is possible.

i went to bed last night reading the amityville horror, and if you’ve ever read it or watched either of the movies, you’ll know how weird i felt waking up at exactly 3:15 am. [shudder]